Seeking for purpose & meaning, and finding it

Did you know that there is more to life than just the things we can see, taste, and touch? There is more to life than the physical world. We were made for more.

We are all seeking something. (Romans 2:7-8) It is in every one of us. We are made to seek after God and know Him, personally. If we are not seeking God, we are seeking something else. I spent the first part of my life seeking fulfillment and purpose in all kinds of things, although I did not know that I was doing this at the time.

“Or do you think lightly of the riches of His kindness and tolerance and patience, not knowing that the kindness of God leads you to repentance? But because of your stubbornness and unrepentant heart you are storing up wrath for yourself in the day of wrath and revelation of the righteous judgment of God, who will render to each person according to his deeds: to those who by perseverance in doing good seek for glory and honor and immortality, eternal life; but to those who are selfishly ambitious and do not obey the truth, but obey unrighteousness, wrath and indignation. There will be tribulation and distress for every soul of man who does evil, of the Jew first and also of the Greek, but glory and honor and peace to everyone who does good, to the Jew first and also to the Greek. For there is no partiality with God.”

Romans 2:4-11

This scripture says that there are two types of seeking.

1. Seeking God, glory, honor, and immortality,

2. Seeking selfishness and obeying unrighteousness.

The question is not IF you are seeking, but WHAT you are seeking. What is your heart’s pursuit?

In high school, I loved cross country and track. I loved racing, winning as a team, and improving my times. It was thrilling, fun, and I found a lot of my identity in it. I liked the challenge of school and was self-motivated to get good grades. I was definitely seeking achievement, not for the glory of God, (I have never heard of that, nor had I seen anyone living that way), but it was for myself. I wanted to do good at these things for the success of my own life, not to give all praise and glory to God. I really did not include God in any of these selfish ambitions.

Now, I am not saying that sports and academics are bad. I actually love sports still and value education! I believe we should all be giving our absolute best in everything we do. But the heart behind it matters. God sees the heart, and that’s what He cares about. He wants to see us glorify Him through doing everything in His name, reflecting His goodness, and doing our work with all of our hearts. He wants us to give honor to Him, and point back to Him with every success we have. He does not want us to just pursue achievement selfishly, and not give credit and acknowledgement to our creator.

He does want us to rule and subdue the earth (Genesis 1:28) by creating, building, learning, competing, developing, helping, teaching, and doing whatever else it may be that you are gifted and called to do! He wants us to do all of this in prayer, with all of our might and strength, for His praise and glory, not our own (Colossians 3:23). He wants our identity to be rooted in Jesus Christ, and for us to be so secure in Him, led by Him, and living for Him.

Before I surrendered my life to Christ, I found my identity in sports, church, friends, and family. On good days, when I felt like I was doing well in sports, school, and with my friends, I felt strong, secure, and happy. When friends hurt me & I felt left out, I questioned my worth. I cared deeply about what other people, especially my friends, thought of me (or what I thought they thought of me). If I didn’t achieve or get what I wanted in life, I was insecure. My identity was found in others’ opinions of me, what I was doing with my life, and my achievements. It was not found in Christ and His eternal word, so I was building my life on sinking sand, just waiting for the next storm to be toppled over.

In my pursuit of accomplishments, fun times, and the good life, I went on many dream vacations and hit goals. I got as good as I believe I can get at running, paid off my school debt before marriage, had a good job, got married, bought a house, had a baby, and life was looking good in so many ways!

A lot of my life up until this point was filled with accomplishments. I loved it! It felt great to have goals, pursue them, and achieve them. The only thing is, that nothing ever did what I thought it would. It never felt like it fulfilled the longing inside of me for something more.

I remember getting my very best time in my last track race in the 5k. I was excited for maybe a day? Then it was like, “so what?” its just a time on a track race. Who cares if I am thirty seconds, or one minute, or five minutes slower? Why does it matter? It is just a time in a race. I am not saying it is bad to race (I still love to do it occasionally), what I am saying is that can’t be the end goal. It is just is not satisfying. That is because we are made to do all things to do the glory of God and when we aren’t, nothing is ever enough.

I recently watched a YouTube video of a girl who got 12th in the world in the 5k, running an insanely fast time, and getting a PR. After the race, she said, “I am not satisfied. I wish I was better.” I felt for her! Athletic achievements are never enough to satisfy like you think they will! I am not saying it is wrong to want to be the best or improve. What I am saying is that true rest for our souls can be found in Christ and His achievement for us on the cross. Knowing God, walking with Him, living for His Kingdom and glory; that is eternal work and it is satisfying.

When I was done with track in college, I began to get more into yoga because the spiritual side of it attracted me. I wanted to feel life deeper, be more “spiritual" and just be more connected to God, and yoga offered me that deeper spirituality I was looking for. I just wanted to feel alive.

After college, I went on an epic road trip with my sister and cousins. On the way home, we were flying in an airplane over beautiful mountains, and I was thinking, “Was that it?” I hated to admit this, but I was disappointed. Not that anything on the trip went wrong, but it just didn’t do what I thought it would do inside of me. I was still dissatisfied in life. Not because of things going wrong! Something was missing because I did not know my Creator.

I was made to see His creation, and worship Him! I did not know this, and did not know how to see God’s handiwork in everything, knowing the One who is so wise to create all of these wonders. As I gazed over the Grand Canyon, I remember thinking that something is missing. It was so majestic, awe-inspiring, and beautiful. But I did not realize that God’s creation was meant to point me to Him! To know that He exists, worship Him, delight in Him, and know Him personally. The beauty in creation reflects the beauty and wisdom of the Creator, and we are all made to be in relationship with Him, in union with Him, giving Him praise for the goodness we see.

I did not know that I was made in God’s image, for a purpose. I did not know that I was made to walk with God, and to be formed into the image of Christ, living for Him, and for eternity. I did not know that there was more to life than achieving goals, having fun, and going to church. There was a deep longing in my heart to be alive.

After I had Juliet, I stayed home with her, and quit my job. I was doing laundry, dishes, and taking care of my beautiful baby all day. I loved being a mom with every ounce of my being, but it was a huge identity crisis for me. All of a sudden, I had no money to make, no big work project to work on, no race to run, no classes to take, and I felt like all of my life’s work was a waste. I thought I was wasting my brain and everything I had learned my whole life. I felt overqualified to be at home, talking go-go, ga-ga to my baby. It is crazy to me now, but I felt like I was too good for this.

I was desperate for life, connection, and meaning. I did not enjoy talking with the moms my age, about gossip, and earthly matters. At this point, I really wanted to learn more about God and have a deeper connection to Him. Because I was convinced that I was a Christian, and did not know there was more to Jesus than what I had already experienced, I did not seek Him. I sought out the new age, and I thought that THIS is the answer to all of my hearts longings! I dove into reiki, energy healing, lots of yoga, meditation, and crystals.

My life was not improving at this point, although the enemy was convincing me that this is working and I am “healing.” My marriage was getting worse and worse, I was spending a lot of money, and I was starting to really be consumed with anger and unforgiveness. Becoming a mother opened up a lot of wounds for me. I thought I was enlightened, and growing spiritually, but there was no rest for my soul. I was always seeking more healing. Nothing was ever enough. I did not know this, but I had opened the door in my heart for demons. Our marriage got so bad, we would fight a lot, and it was scary. I believe this was demonic. I felt out of control, desperate, confused, alone, and so hungry for life. All of this time, I was convinced I was a Christian, and totally believed all of my sins forgiven in Jesus name in precious blood. I still loved going to church and my church community. Yet, I was deeply confused and hungry for more.

Thank God that I finally heard the gospel, repented, and turned my life over to Jesus Christ. Repentance is such a gift! God’s kindness leads us to repentance. The life I was living, seeking my selfish desires and the impulses of my flesh, was leading to death and destruction. Going my own way was leading to my great despair and brokenness. Doing what I wanted, lead to our marriage suffering, and my heart hurting. What I thought was good and right was just vanity and left me empty & hurting.

“There is a way which seems right to a man,

But its end is the way of death.”

Proverbs 14:12

No one told me that following my heart would lead to my death. As I said before, we are all seeking something. My seeking of following my own thoughts, impulses, heart, "intuition," and ideas did not get what I thought I would get. Turns out that I was not a good god to myself. I did not know myself and what was right for me. The new age teaches that YOU cannot be wrong. Your heart will never lead you astray. You always know what is best for you in your own heart. This is a lie from the enemy!

We did not make ourselves. We did not choose our birthdays, families, hair color or anything! God made us. He knows us. He knows what is best for us! We do not. For an analogy, a little child thinks they want to eat candy all day, but this is actually terrible for them, and will lead to their sickness! As parents we know that we need to feed our children healthy food, so they can thrive. Same as with God, He knows what we need, even though we may not think that is what we want in the moment.

Jesus says that if we repent, follow Him, and deny ourselves, we will find life. Our flesh tells us the opposite! Again, God knows best! He is right and we are wrong! The truth is, self denial, repentance, and following Christ is the best life! It is life and life abundantly! It does not make sense until you experience it, and you taste and see that the LORD is good. Jesus is the bread of life, and whoever comes to Him will not hunger. Whoever believes in Him will never thirst. I was hungering and thirsting for life, and in Christ, and only in Christ, I am satisfied. (John 6:35)

True life, what I was seeking for all of my life, is found in knowing my Creator. This is what God made human kind for. To know His love. To worship Him. To see His beauty, love, and goodness in all things. To love Him in return, and love our neighbor. To live, and move, and have our being in Him. (Acts 17:28)

We were made in His image, to know Him, and to make Him known. We were made to be formed into the image of His Son. We were made to delight in God, the source of all joy. There is no life or joy in anything without Him. I have lived much of life without Him, and know this to be true. Without God, there is no purpose or meaning to anything we do.

I want all people to know this. It absolutely breaks my heart to see people seeking the things of this world, thinking they will satisfy. They won’t. No amount of friends, vacations, health, children, money, achievements, boats, saunas, camps, books to read, businesses to build, company to visit, will ever satisfy the longing of the human heart to know the love of Jesus Christ.

“You will make known to me the path of life;

In Your presence is fullness of joy;

In Your right hand there are pleasures forever.”

Psalm 16:11

“Because your steadfast love is better than life,

my lips will praise you.”

Psalm 63:3

God’s love is better than life. Do you know this in your heart?

“so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith;

and that you, being rooted and grounded in love,

may be able to comprehend with all the saints

what is the breadth and length and height and depth,

and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge,

that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God.”

Ephesians 3:17-19

God’s love is like a well that springs up to eternal life.

“but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again.

The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

John 4:14

This life is truly astoundingly majestic, glorious, and awesome. This world that God made is beyond beautiful. Look at the gorgeous sand dunes, pouring in to the glittering, teal waters of Lake Michigan. Feel the soft breeze, hear the birds singing their songs of praise, see the leaves ruffling in the wind. See a flower blooming, bright and glorious. See the mountains, powerful and steadfast. Think about a dolphin jumping out of the ocean. Think about a crashing thunderstorm, a whirling tornado, and the clouds drifting by. I mean it is all so, so, so incredible!

God’s beauty is everywhere. Look into a child’s eyes. See their gorgeous eye lashes. Hear a baby’s first words and laughter. It makes my heart pound with passion and gladness! God is everywhere and His creation is great. We can see this beauty, and know that the One who made us, loves us more than anyone else in the world. He knows every single one of our sins & selfishness. Yet, He loves us more than we could ever understand.

Christ Jesus is God in the flesh, the Son of God and He suffered for us. He took the death we deserve. Our sins have made us God’s enemies, and we deserve eternal death & judgement.

Yet, this mighty God is merciful and longs to have compassion on us! (Isaiah 30:18) He does not desire for His beloved creation, made in His image to perish. He desires to rescue us & redeem our lives. He also is a just judge, and sin must be dealt with. Jesus, the treasured Son of God laid down His life for His friends. There its no greater love than this!

He was mocked, falsely accused, scourged (got his back torn apart), and was humble & obedient to the point of death. His hand and feet were nailed to a cross and He was lifted up to die a shameful, criminal death. All of this was for you. Can you imagine how much this hurt? More than this, Christ became sin on that ugly cross and he drank the full wrath of His Father’s fury against sin. Jesus did not deserve any of this. He is the perfect, holy One of God. Yet, because of His great love, He laid His life down for you and I. So we can be freed from both the punishment of our sins, and the bondage to sin. So we can be reconciled to the Father, and be forgiven, completely, entirely, forever.

Does this make you weep? It makes me weep. We should weep. We should bow down before our maker and grieve that it was our sin that nailed the Son of God to the cross. Jesus willingly died for our sins. We should fall down before God in awesome wonder that He would love us, who have betrayed Him, and that He would save us.

We should also sing and rejoice that Jesus rose again from the dead! He is alive. Today, and forevermore. Jesus is alive and will never die again. Come to Him today if you do not know Him yet!

Have you been rescued? Have you come to Jesus? Have you been washed in the blood of the lamb? Have you laid your life before the foot of the cross, and received the wonderful, great gift of eternal life?

If not, today is the day of salvation! Do not wait! Come to the King of all creation now, trusting in Jesus Christ. God will receive you, no matter what you have done. Bring all of your sin, hurt, pain, suffering, depression, shame, guilt, anxiety, addictions, and confusion to foot of the cross.

As the old hymn says, “When I survey the wondrous cross, on which the Prince of Glory died. My riches gain I count but loss, and pour contempt on all my pride. See by His head, his hands, his feet, sorrow and love flow mingled down. Did ere such love and sorrow meet, or thorns contain so rich a crown?”

JESUS LOVES YOU!! Know this! Recieve this! Embrace this! Walk in this reality that the God of all truth, goodness, and beauty, who knows every ounce of you, LOVES YOU and wants you. You are wanted by the Father. Turn to Him. His love will pour over you and you will be able to find rest for your soul, in Christ. I want you to know His love.

Know that your life is so meaningful. Everything matters. You matter. Life is so beautiful and rich when you know the creator and see Him in everything. Your life has eternal meaning, and when you trust in Christ, you can live for eternity. The rewards we have in heaven are beyond any race time, gold medal, vacations you go on, number in the bank account, how big your business is, how many friends you have, how healthy you are, how cool your house is, and how much fun you have. All of those things will burn up in the end. The work we do for eternity is not for our salvation, but is because we are saved, and this work has eternal rewards. We are made for these good works. (Ephesians 2:10)

I am not saying that building a business, going on vacation, decorating your house, playing a sport, homeschooling, or anything you do are wrong or bad in themselves. What I am saying is that they cannot be the end of what we are pursuing. The end needs to be to to seek His Kingdom, glorify God, serve Him, know His love, and share the gospel. We need to seek to build God's eternal Kingdom, through our daily lives. It is through these acts that we take in every day life that we do to the glory of God, that is our lives! When we do not pursue God in it though, it is just chasing the wind.

This fires me up! My life has eternal meaning. So does yours. This is what I was searching for my whole life. Purpose beyond this earthly life. And that is exactly what I was made for. You too. Are you embracing the eternal meaning of your life? Are you living the true, rich, glorious, abundant life you were meant to live? You were made for more. And the awesome truth is, that more is available to you. In Jesus Christ. He alone satisfies every ounce of the soul, forever.

I am praying you come to Him (if you haven’t) and live the life you were meant to live, with your creator.

If this sounds self-righteous to you, I want to ask you some questions. We have a life to live. Do you believe it is somehow more humble or more Christian to do whatever you want without acknowledging God? Do you believe it is somehow wrong to do our work for the glory of God? There is a misguided belief in the FALC about what “self-righteous” means. I would have considered this post self-righteous many years ago. I encourage you to read the truth in the Bible to find out what self-righteous means and what is the purpose of life. There is so much more to this, please don’t be content with what you were taught. What if you were taught wrong? How can you know if you don’t find the truth? Seek the truth yourself in the Bible.