My testimony

Leaving the First Apostolic Lutheran Church (FALC) was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, and I never, ever dreamed I would do this! I literally never considered that I might leave the church I grew up in and loved, until I was saved by the grace of God through faith in Jesus Christ. I began to read my Bible & started seeing that what I was taught in my childhood faith is not what the word of God says. Jesus calls us to deny ourselves, pick up our cross, and follow Him. Leaving the FALC and living with the consequences of that has been very heavy & challenging, but Jesus is worth it all. Here is a short version of my testimony.

** Watch out for cognitive dissonance as you read this. Sometimes, people hold a belief that is very strong. When they are presented with evidence that works against that belief, the new evidence cannot be accepted. It creates a feeling that is extremely uncomfortable, called cognitive dissonance. And because it is so important to protect the core belief, they will rationalize, ignore, or even deny anything that doesn’t fit in with that core belief.

Pay attention to what you are clinging to: Facts? or feelings? or tradition?

Sometimes facing truth is extremely uncomfortable and it does not feel good. This does not mean it is bad or wrong! Do not trust feelings, they can be wrong.

Do not just trust what I say. Read the Bible & pray and seek the Lord for yourself! He will reveal the truth to you.

Proverbs 1:7 - “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; Fools despise wisdom and instruction.”

Proverbs 2:1-5 - “My son, if you will receive my words and treasure my commandments within you, make your ear attentive to wisdom, incline your heart to understanding; For if you cry for discernment, Lift your voice for understanding; If you seek her as silver and search for her as for hidden treasures; Then you will discern the fear of the Lord and discover the knowledge of God. For the Lord gives wisdom; From His mouth come knowledge and understanding.”

I was raised in the FALC. I am the second child out of ten children. Both of my parents, all of my grandparents & great-grandparents, most cousins, aunts, uncles, and siblings are/were members of FALC. Church was the center of my family's culture. We went to every Sunday service, Bible class, most Song Services, night church, and service weekends. I rarely missed a night of kyds, which was most Friday and Saturday nights (from ages 15 to 23). I pretty much only hung out with people from church. I had a wonderful childhood, full of quality time with my family and cousins. We traveled often and I always had someone to hang out with. Truly, I appreciate my childhood. I learned to work hard, have fun, be successful, and how to be a great home-maker. If you are from the FALC, you know what I am talking about. There is no lack of community there! That is truly wonderful! I love everyone in my family and the church so much! I have such special memories with all of them. I respect everyone and want to say that I am only speaking of my experience and not for anyone else. I understand that it is possible to have varying experiences in the FALC, and this is just my perspective & experience. This blog is not to hurt/harm anyone, but to shine light on some really confusing teaching, and share the truth in God's word & give glory to God for the work he has done in my life.

In college, I ran cross country and track. I loved it and really enjoyed it and especially loved college life! Going to kyds & hanging out with church kids was my favorite part of it all. Things got really hard though in my third year of college when I started to really struggle with sleep and anxiety. I think this was a result of too much of everything. I was running 8-9 miles a day, not eating very healthy, staying up late with friends, trying to get all of my school work done, and it really affected my brain health. I struggled with this big-time for 3 years. I was anxiety-ridden most days, and especially at night. I spent countless nights tossing & turning & not able to sleep. I went weeks getting just 2-4 hours a night, and would have a few good weeks where I would sleep fine but the insomnia kept coming back. I lived in fear of sleep & night time because I never knew if I would be able to sleep or not. It was truly miserable. I was completely exhausted and after trying many things, I felt hopeless. This is the short version of the story of how I got into health and wellness.

I knew I needed help, so I started eating healthier & learning about mental health. I had been doing yoga since high school and this helped me calm down. I learned how to meditate & this helped too! I also got energy work done on me and this helped tremendously (temporarily). I felt like I was on a high after my first energy work session & slept great for about a month, but the insomnia came back. Finally, after years of working on my mental & physical health, I was able to sleep well consistently. This was such a relief to me and I am so thankful for it! Unfortunately, most of what I was doing to help me feel peaceful and calm was from the devil. Yoga, meditation, energy work, and self-help is all apart of something called the new-age. If you are into these things, I recommend you look into the root of this! Allie Stuckey on the Relatable podcast does a great job explaining this and why is it not biblical. I did not know this until 2018! I'll explain how I found out about this later. I will do more blog posts in the future. To be clear, the FALC has nothing to do with the new age. They do not preach or teach this at all. I just came across it myself.

After seeing how much of a difference healthy eating and mental health made in my life, I decided to become a health coach so I could help others with what I was so passionate about! I started doing health coaching as a business, and I fell deeper into the deception of the new-age. The new-age runs rampant in the health community. I spent a few years trying to build my business & trying to "improve myself" through self-help, self-love, meditation, yoga, energy work, manifestation, personality tests, and affirmations. I truly thought this was the answer to everything in life. Love yourself more. Become the best version of yourself. Find "inner-peace" through letting go & emptying your mind in mediation. And of course healthy eating and lots of self-care. At this time in my life, I thought the most important thing in life was to be happy. It was all about feelings. I thought the purpose of life was to have the most fun in life & be as healthy and happy as possible. Create the life you have always dreamed of. Chase your dreams & do more of what makes you happy. Follow your intuition. Follow your heart, it will never lead you astray. Live life to the fullest! I was all about the pinterest quotes! Sounds good right? Truth is, all of this was completely unsatisfying and it always left me empty & seeking for more. One more yoga session. One more meditation. One more energy work session. It's crazy though, when you are in it, you can't see that you are constantly seeking & striving, you think you are so happy & peaceful. But now when I look back, I see that is exactly what I was doing. I was not able to truly rest.

The Bible says the opposite about following your heart! Jeremiah 17:9 - “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?”

Outside of Christ, there is no true rest or peace with God. Before I was saved, I would feel great and so happy, peaceful, & confident temporarily, like after doing yoga or reading a self-help book, but soon after, the insecurity & unease would come right back up. I was very confused for a while. I would hear one message at church & "believe my sins forgiven in Jesus name and precious blood," then go home and read my self-help books that had completely different messages! I remember telling my business coach, "I am SO confused!" She would tell me, "No, you are not! You know exactly what you are doing." But I truly was confused and had no clue what I was doing. I was trying to follow my intuition, but one day I felt like I should do one thing, and the next day it would change! I was this way & that way. Tossed to & fro by the waves & carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes, as it says in Ephesians 4:14. I believed we all had "our own truth," and there was no rock solid truth in life. Everyone is different, whatever works for you. I would consider myself "open-minded" and "non-judgmental."

The deep desire in my heart was to fulfill the purpose that I was made for. I knew there was more to life than just going through the motions of work (when I was working), and motherhood. I was looking for more meaning in life. I thought I would fulfill that purpose through health coaching, but I never felt fulfilled like I thought I would. I also was craving more connection than just the small talk and shallow conversations I often had with family and friends. I was raised being told that I was apart of the one true church, and all I need is to believe my sins forgiven in Jesus name and precious blood. Simple, precious faith. That was the depth to my faith. God sent multiple people into my life, encouraging me to read the Bible and pray. I thought, “Why not?” One particular friend, told me, after I dumped on her how great self-love is, "I used to be into all of that, but I dropped it all for Jesus, he is way better." I was like, "Oh." But I was thinking, "Isn't that like a downgrade?" So sad, but all I knew of Jesus was the blessing and culture I was raised in. I had no clue who He was. This was one seed of many, and God brought the increase! Praise Him!

In early 2018, I started reading the Bible and trying to figure out how Christianity fits with self-help. I learned that it does not fit. On April 27, 2018, I came across a video on YouTube called “Should Christians be doing yoga?” I thought, “What could possibly be wrong with yoga??” I watched it & was so shocked. All of this stuff I was pouring my energy into is demonic! The enemy really does disguise himself as an angel of light.

The conviction of the Holy Spirit fell on me and I went in the front yard and repented and bawled for 3 hours straight. I knew in my heart that Jesus Christ is Lord. I was so, so sorry for my sin and so filled with grief over my sin. So broken that I had betrayed my Creator by seeking all of these other things for fulfillment & not seeking the one who created me and loves me. I knew I would never touch anything like this ever again. This is true repentance, a turning in direction, a changing of mind. I was filled with the love of God, and was so in awe of Him. It was a beautiful spring day, and I felt like all of creation was praising Jesus. The trees blowing in the wind, the sunshine, the birds chirping, the breeze on my face. (Psalm 66:4 - “All the earth shall worship thee, and shall sing unto thee; they sing to thy name.”) & (Psalm 96: 11-13) This is when I realized my utter hopelessness & accepted the finished work of Jesus on the cross. I received Christ. (John 1:12 - “But as many as received Him, to them gave He the power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name.”)

I felt the most peace ever in my life, and like I could finally rest. (Matthew 11:28-30) I knew that God loves me!! I believe this is when Jesus saved me, and I was born again (John 3:3). I knew I was not condemned for my sin, but forgiven! (Romans 8:1) God made me a new creation! (1 Corinthians 5:17). He removed my heart of stone and gave me a heart of flesh. I knew I was loved and forgiven by God because of my faith in Jesus Christ. (Colossians 1:13-14) He cancelled the record of debt that stood against me with its legal demands. This he set aside, nailing it to the cross. I was dead in my sin, but God brought me to life in Jesus Christ! (Ephesians 2:1-10)

I was so excited to be a child of God and I still am so overjoyed to be His! I started reading the Bible more and more. The word of God is truly alive! I would just read it and be so overcome with how good and glorious God is. I would stay up late reading and bawling & rejoicing! I read the book of John for the first time & learned about the beating, scourging, mocking, being hung on a cross, and the full wrath of God being poured out on Jesus, for the sin of the world. I remember the first time I realized that I am the one who deserves that for my sin against God. Jesus took my place and died for my sin, and not just mine, but the sin of the world! How absolutely incredible is that?

And then the joy in my heart when I read that Jesus had risen from the dead and is alive!! Rejoice! God accepted the perfect sacrifice for sins! Jesus paid the price. He conquered the grave. The Bible is very clear that all who have faith in HIM will be saved.

Jesus says in John 19:30 “It is finished.” The entire work of redemption was brought to completion. And on the third day, he rose again, overcoming sin & death!! Matthew 28:6 “He is not here, for he has risen, as he said.” Reading this again, as I write this, makes my heart rejoice!! What good news is this! It is the best news ever. Jesus Christ overcame the world! God is faithful and kept His promise from the beginning to send a Messiah to save the world from sin. How great and awesome is God. It was such a thrill for me reading the Bible for the first time, and I was (and still am) so, so happy that I am now a child of God. Nothing better can happen to anyone, ever, than to become a child of the living God.

I began to pray for wisdom and understanding, and started longing to know more about who God is and what it means to be a Christian. The Bible became alive to me, and I would pour over his word & just ponder on it, in awe with God! It has not grown old to me either! I still love God’s word. Like the song, “Sing them over again to me, wonderful words of life! Let me more of their beauty see! Wonderful words of life!”

Jesus says in Matthew 16:24-25 - “Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” I knew that I had never done this before in my life. I had not lost my life to Christ before, I was just going through the motions, going to church, getting blessings, going to communion, etc. I truly did not think about Jesus much at all, nor did I deny my flesh and follow Him. In my coaching world, it was all about “What do you want?” and creating your life, basically finding yourself & building your own kingdom around your desires. The Bible says we have to lose all of that for Jesus! WOW crazy, I had never heard of this before!

Jesus says in John 14:6, “I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.” Jesus is the only way. Not a church, or a blessing. Jesus Christ himself is the way.

I was just taught to believe my sins forgiven, don’t wear makeup or dance or go to the movies, hang out with church kids, and that is basically it! I knew I was not following Jesus before, I was just doing what seemed right in my own eyes, going along with the culture & following man. I did not say “Thy will be done,” and surrender my life to God. It was, “What seems right to me? What do I want?” After reading these verses, I prayed, “Lord, I surrender my entire life to you. I give everything up to you and your will. Not my will be done, but your will be done in all areas of my life. I will deny myself, pick up my cross, and follow you.” Romans 12:1-2 speaks of presenting our bodies as a living sacrifice to God. This is our spiritual worship. He wants our whole entire lives. Romans 12:1-2 - “I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” It also says to test things to discern what is the will of God. What do we test things against? God’s word.

I knew intellectually that I was made by God, and he is the creator of all things. What I did not know is that I was made FOR HIM. And I am accountable TO HIM. I was made for His glory! WOW!! Talk about purpose in life! I was made to serve the Almighty God, the King of the Universe. (I did not learn this until after I was saved.)

Colossians 1:16 - "...all things were created through him and for him."

Isaiah 43:7 - "whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made"

Ephesians 2:10 - "For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them."

1 Peter 4:11 - "Whoever speaks, is to do so as one who is speaking the utterances of God; whoever serves is to do so as one who is serving by the strength which God supplies; so that in all things God may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom belongs the glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen."

Before I was saved, I thought I was "good-to-go" with God because I *thought* I was a Christian and truly thought all there was to Jesus was the blessing and the FALC. I didn't know there was so much depth in the Bible & Jesus was who I needed. I didn't need to "improve myself." I needed to be brought from death to life in Christ. I was dead in my sin, living in sin, in continual rebellion against God. I was a child of the devil. (1 John 3)

Ephesians 2: 1-9 - "And you were dead in your trespasses and sins, in which you formerly walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, of the spirit that is now working in the sons of disobedience. Among them we too all formerly lived in the lusts of our flesh, indulging the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, even as the rest. But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), and raised us up with Him, and seated us with Him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the ages to come He might show the surpassing riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast."

I really did not have an understanding of sin before God saved me. I continually heard in church, "We are so sinful & fall all the time, you may feel so weak and faulty. You too, can believe all sins forgiven in Jesus name and precious blood!" But I truly didn't understand what sin actually is. For example, the Bible says, "Wives, submit to your husband, as to the Lord." (Ephesians 5:22) I was continually going against my husband's wishes, disrespecting him, spending the money he worked so hard for on my coaching stuff, and putting him down. 1 John 3 says that if you continue in sin, without repenting, you are a child of the devil! WHAT? The first time I read this I was shocked! I had never learned what true repentance is. True repentance is TURNING from sin. You hate the sin you once loved & indulged in. A true born again Christian still sins, but its not something you live in and continue in, but you turn from it and turn to the Lord.

The first time I understood this is when I read John 8, when Jesus tells the adulterous woman, “Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more.” Romans 6 lays it out very clearly as well.

Romans 6:1-14 KJV

1 What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin, that grace may abound?

2 God forbid. How shall we, that are dead to sin, live any longer therein?

3 Know ye not, that so many of us as were baptized into Jesus Christ were baptized into his death?

4 Therefore we are buried with him by baptism into death: that like as Christ was raised up from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life.

5 For if we have been planted together in the likeness of his death, we shall be also in the likeness of his resurrection:

6 Knowing this, that our old man is crucified with him, that the body of sin might be destroyed, that henceforth we should not serve sin.

7 For he that is dead is freed from sin.

8 Now if we be dead with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with him:

9 Knowing that Christ being raised from the dead dieth no more; death hath no more dominion over him.

10 For in that he died, he died unto sin once: but in that he liveth, he liveth unto God.

11 Likewise reckon ye also yourselves to be dead indeed unto sin, but alive unto God through Jesus Christ our Lord.

12 Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, that ye should obey it in the lusts thereof.

13 Neither yield ye your members as instruments of unrighteousness unto sin: but yield yourselves unto God, as those that are alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness unto God.

14 For sin shall not have dominion over you: for ye are not under the law, but under grace.

Romans 6 woke me up to some of the issues at FALC. There is no clear teaching at FALC, like what is communion, and what is the purpose of the blessing. But I was under the impression that I was "getting my sins forgiven in Jesus name and precious blood" when I went to communion or asked someone to bless me. The books by Walter Torala say this, but some ministers say that it is just the "re-assurance of the forgiveness of sins," its not actually forgiving your sins. This is very confusing, and honestly I just didn't think about it when I was going there. I didn't think about what I was actually doing when giving/receiving a blessing.

What I realized as I read Romans 6 is that all of my life, I just "believed my sins forgiven" or asked for a blessing when my conscious was hurting, instead of confessing my sin and repenting to God. Then I would continue in sin, having no power over it because I did not have the Holy Spirit. I was a servant to sin as Romans 6 says, not a servant to righteousness. This is not the walk of a Christian. If you are living in sin and a servant to sin, but keep "getting blessings," you are just getting false assurance that you are going to Heaven when you are really not. This is terribly tragic! If you are reading this, and this is you, I urge you to repent to God and receive the finished work of Christ. Jesus is the only one who can forgive your sins. He paid the price for your sin on the cross and rose again, conquering death. All who call on the name of the Lord shall be saved! (Romans 10:9-13) You must be born again. (John 3:3)

I know with certainty now, that I am saved. Not of my own works in any way, shape, or form. Not because I attend a certain church, or received a “blessing.” But because I believe the gospel. God is holy and perfectly righteous, the King of Creation, & has the right & ability as our creator to condemn everyone to hell forever because of our sin against him! He is just and sin has to be punished, by death. (Romans 6:23) He is also merciful & patient & loving. He sent his only, beloved son to die the death that we all deserve! In God’s perfect justice, He poured the full cup of his wrath on his son. 1 Corinthians 5:21 - “For he hath made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in him.” He died, was buried, and was raised up on the third day.

Revelation 1:18 “I am he that liveth, and was dead; and, behold, I am alive for evermore, Amen; and have the keys of hell and of death.”

In Luke 24:36-43 it explains how Jesus’ resurrection was a body resurrection. He is fully alive right now, in his perfected resurrected body, seated at the right hand of God. He is coming back to judge and to make all things new.

This is proven historically that Jesus really walked this earth, healing, and teaching the word of God. Many documents outside of the Bible prove that Jesus really did die on a cross, was buried according to scriptures, and was raised again from the dead. Many, many eye witnesses saw him after he was resurrected. (1 Corinthians 15:1-11). All of my sins, past, present, and future, are forgiven by God because of my faith in Jesus Christ. (Hebrews 10:10-12 - “And by that will we have been sanctified through the offering of the body of Jesus Christ once for all. And every priest stands daily at his service, offering repeatedly the same sacrifices, which can never take away sins. But when Christ had offered for all time a single sacrifice for sins, he sat down at the right hand of God.”) We are saved by grace through faith (Ephesians 2:8). Nothing else. We are not saved by a blessing from someone in the First Apostolic Lutheran Church (FALC). We are saved by grace through faith in the Son of God, Jesus Christ.

Today is the day of salvation! If you are reading this, and you do not have saving faith in Christ alone, you too can be saved! You must be born again to enter the Kingdom of Heaven.

Acts 3:19 - "Repent therefore and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out, so that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord"

Romans 10:9-13 - "if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation. For the Scripture says,“Whoever believes on Him will not be put to shame.” For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek, for the same Lord over all is rich to all who call upon Him. For “whoever calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved.”

John 8:31-36 - "Then Jesus said to those Jews who believed Him, “If you abide in My word, you are My disciples indeed. And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” They answered Him, “We are Abraham’s descendants, and have never been in bondage to anyone. How can You say, ‘You will be made free’?” Jesus answered them, “Most assuredly, I say to you, whoever commits sin is a slave of sin. And a slave does not abide in the house forever, but a son abides forever. Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed."

John 13:3 - "I tell you, no; but unless you repent you will all likewise perish."

John 6:37 - "All that the Father gives Me will come to Me, and the one who comes to Me I will by no means cast out."

I remember a few years ago, I was in bed, and there was a terrible storm out. The wind was whipping & rain pouring down & the thunder was so loud! I looked out the window at the intense storm, and I remember thinking, “If I died tonight, would I go to Heaven?” and feeling the fear of the Lord. I thought, “When was the last time I got a blessing? Oh, last Sunday at communion. I hope that was enough…” WOW how tragic is this!! I know now, that if I had died that night I would have gone to Hell for eternity. I was not clinging to Jesus Christ alone for my salvation. I was clinging to this “blessing,” and wondering if it was good enough. Now I know it is not. Jesus himself is enough. Why add to what God has given us? We have the righteousness of God though faith Jesus Christ himself. Romans 3:22 - “Even the righteousness of God which is by faith of Jesus Christ unto all and upon all them that believe” There is NO work to get to Heaven. The blessing is a sort of work. its something you have to receive from someone… instead of simply putting all of your faith and hope in Christ & receiving his perfect righteousness through faith. Becoming a new creation by the grace of God & walking in newness of life in him. Galatians 2:20 - "I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; an the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me."

Leaving the FALC has been the most difficult thing I have ever done. I could not do this apart from the strength that God gives me. It's been extremely hard on my family. God is so faithful and amazing though, and he brings beauty from ashes. This is just the beginning of my new life in Christ!

Once I realized that FALC has false teaching, and I knew I had to leave, I grieved so much. I have never cried harder in my life. I've had many days of depression, when I dwell on my feelings and how heartbreaking this is. But God is bigger than all of that and as soon as I turn my eyes upon Jesus, the things of this world grow strangely dim, in the light of his glory & grace. I was so afraid that I would not have any friends and would be so lonely in the "world." But God has provided amazing, deep friendships for me. Sisters in the Lord who love me and pray for me and encourage me in scripture, and are hilarious & so fun to be around.

One example of how good God is: One of my biggest fears of leaving FALC was, "Who is going to bring me meals when I have my baby?" One day I met someone, and we got to talking about God and babies, and she told me, "When you have your baby I will bring you a meal! We should hang out!" I almost started bawling at this answered prayer! Now she is a dear sister in the Lord to me. God truly care for us. He provides. He created you and knows your every need. You can trust him.

Ephesians 3:20 - "Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen."

I am completely open to talking about any of this if you want to reach out to me! :)

God bless!

Christian testimonies:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D569x5TqtVk

#newagetoChrist #FALC #Jesus #selfhelp #salvation #blessing