God has been so good to me, and has blessed me with the only job I have ever wanted to have… to be a mom. I am the mother of two beautiful, wonderful children, Juliet and Daniel. I am by no means a seasoned mother. My daughter Juliet is 5 and Daniel is almost 2. I am just writing from the experience that I have in these short five years. There are mothers who have been doing this for many more years than I, and have much more wisdom, and I have learned so much from so many amazing moms! I am just writing to share from my experience, and how Jesus has helped me immensely with having patience with my children.
I want to encourage moms that are in the trenches of motherhood, deep in piles of laundry, dishes, food all over the floor, and crying babies. You might be feeling overwhelmed, incapable, and exhausted. I have felt all of these things, and want to offer some hope to you.
It is a wonderful, amazing, blessing to be a mother, and children really show the goodness of God. The love a mother feels for her baby is unmatched. It is like your whole heart is in this tiny person. As a new mother, I stared & stared at Juliet and cried my eyes out in awe with how beautiful she was and how much I loved her. I loved cuddling with her and watching her grow & learn. All of it was so wonderful. Juliet was a very easy going baby, and she didn’t cry too much or have health issues in any way. I was very blessed in this way!
Daniel was a different baby. He was born premature (36 weeks) and was 4lbs, 14oz. Praise the Lord that he put on pounds pretty quickly and didn’t have any major health issues. I love him just as much as my daughter. He is such a wonderful blessing to us! He was just a fussy one for the first 6 months or so, and that was very challenging. I had to bounce him all the time. In church, at home, everywhere, I was bouncing with him in the ergo. I would be in the grocery store and start bouncing, not even realizing that I didn’t have him in my ergo! He is much better now, but still is a challenge in many ways. He brings us so much joy with his laughter, smiles, and fun personality.
There has been so many incredible blessings with my children. They can be so funny with their comments and things they do. The hugs and “I love you’s” are irreplaceable. Holding a sleeping baby is one of the most enjoyable, relaxing, heartwarming things to do. Watching them learn to roll over, walk, talk, play, write, color, and learn all about life is a wonderful thing to experience. The tickles & giggles & smiles make your heart burst with joy and love. And just seeing how God made this cute little person, that you love with your whole heart, and get to care for every day. What an amazing thing motherhood is. Truly. God is so, very good.
With all the blessings of motherhood, it is NOT easy. It comes with so much pain, self sacrifice, and trials.
The hardest part of motherhood for me has been having patience. Every day, I have two children that need to me to feed them first thing in the morning. They cry and whine. They say they are hungry, then won’t eat what you give them. They fight over toys and scream. They spill and throw their food. They ask constant questions, about everything. “Why? Why?” They want to play for hours with you on the trampoline when there is a list a mile long of things to do inside. They color on your newly painted walls. They make huge messes, daily.
They track mud right over the floor you just scrubbed. They ask for the same book to be read 10 times in a row. They scream at the top of their lungs and might pierce your eardrums. They have accidents. They need to be taught to go to the bathroom. They need to be taught to speak kindly, and not demand things. They need to be taught not to lick everything. They need to be taught not to swing a broom and hit the ceiling fan with it. They need to be told 10 times to clean up their toys and to keep going without getting distracted. They need to be told what to do and taught how to live properly.
This list is far from conclusive. The things moms face every day are varied and the list could go on and on! I do not mean to complain. I am just being honest about the various struggles that every mom will face. It can be overwhelming! It is all SO, so worth it all. Being a mother is the best job, as hard as it is.
I am not a naturally patient person. In my flesh, I have very little patience. In my flesh, am quick to snap, lose my patience, and scream. This is very ugly. It hurts my children, and my husband. It grieves the Lord. It is sin against my Heavenly Father.
Praise the Lord that we are not left to our own devices in motherhood. We do not have to do this on our own strength. And in fact, without Christ, all we will ever produce in our lives is filthy rags in God’s sight (Isaiah 64:6).
We can try to grin and bear it. We can try with all our might to have will-power and self control with our emotions. We can put a good face on at church and with our friends and family. But it will come out eventually. And it won’t be pretty.
The Bible says that apart from Jesus, we can do nothing. (John 15:4-5)
Nothing! Apart from Him, there is NOTHING worthwhile and good that we can do.
Before I came to know Christ, I would try to muster up the patience within myself. I tried all the self-care, self-love, and self-help. I went for runs & did yoga, took baths, ate healthy, and meditated. I got energy work to “heal” from all the things I walked through in my life. I thought this was the path to being the good, patient, kind mother that I wanted to be. I thought this is what I needed to be fulfilled, peaceful, and joyful. I was constantly looking inward instead of upward.
I still really care about my health and there is nothing wrong with taking care of yourself. In fact, I believe we should take care of ourselves, as our bodies are a gift from the Lord, that we should steward well. But I got sucked into the new age to look for help for myself mentally, and this was the wrong place to look for help. Yoga, meditation, energy work, crystals, self-love, and things like this are demonic, and not from God. The devil masquerades himself as an angel of light, and I fell for it. Find more information on this here: https://www.truthbehindyoga.com
All of my efforts to grow personally and find peace, purpose, and connection, did not help. I would feel momentarily peaceful & helped for a time, but I still felt so confused and did not know why I am here. I lost my patience all the time, especially towards Paul. I had no control over my sin. I did not repent of my sin of anger, selfishness, and discontentment. Instead, I blamed my husband, tried to control him to get my way, and we all suffered.
Praise God that I was saved when Juliet was only two, and this was when everything changed.
God showed me His great love for me through the gospel. His love reaches to the heavens, and His faithfulness touches to the sky. He is abundant in mercy to all who call upon Him, all who call upon Him in truth. (Psalm 86:5) The gospel of Jesus Christ and deep love of God is so astounding and powerful, that it changes you. All I did my whole life is live for myself. Pursuing my own desires, living in sin, never repenting and seeking God, being a self-righteous hypocrite. Yet before I was even born, God demonstrated His love for me (and everyone else), that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8)
He died. For me. Where I deserve to die. He bore the wrath of God for me. He suffered for my pardon. How can this be? That you my King would die for me? Even writing this now, I weep. He suffered and died for me. And you. This love and grace is so, so great. I will never get over it as long as I live, and I get to praise God for His salvation for eternity.
He did not stay dead, but conquered the grave, making a way for us, sinners, with no hope, deserving of eternal destruction in hell, to be reconciled to God. By grace, through faith alone. His body was broken for you. His blood was shed for you. He is now alive.
Praise God!! If you have not yet come to Christ personally, and received this free gift of eternal life, trusting in the finished work of Christ for your salvation, I urge you get on your knees right now, and cry out to God for mercy! Throw yourself at the Savior’s feet & ask Him to save you, and show you the truth. He will save ALL who call upon Him. (Romans 10:13)
Receive Christ. Become God’s child. There is no work to do to be saved. No blessing to receive. There is no specific church to go to. Do not clean yourself up first. Just come before Him, with all of your sin, all of your failures, all of your pain. He sees it all, and knows it all, and He has given you breath in your lungs long enough to read this message, and repent. Call upon His name to be saved. He paid it all. All you have to do is trust in Him, and surrender all to Him. Look to Christ, believe, and be saved. Receive the free gift of God, which is eternal life in Jesus Christ. Receive His love, mercy, and grace.
“Taste and see that the Lord is good; How blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!” - Psalm 34:8
You will receive the greatest gift ever in your whole entire life. You will know the greatest love you have ever known. You will know why you are here. You will have new life. You will walk in light instead of darkness. You will receive forgiveness for all of your sins, and receive the free gift of eternal life. God will make you a completely new creation. He will show you that His love is better than life itself, and He will give you a heart that longs to serve, love, and obey Him as long as you live. You will have rest for your soul.
“For You, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive, And abundant in mercy to all who call upon You.” - Psalm 86:5
“The Lord is near to all who call on Him, To all who call on Him in truth.” - Psalm 145:18
“Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you.” - Psalm 63:3
“Jesus said to them, “I am the bread of life; the one who comes to Me will not be hungry, and the one who believes in Me will never be thirsty.” - John 6:35
In Christ, we have a fountain of life that never runs dry. All the patience in the world that you need for your family is found by walking with the Living God, who can provide all the strength you need. As moms, we need patience and strength from outside of ourselves.
“Now on the last day, the great day of the feast, Jesus stood and cried out, saying, “If anyone is thirsty, let him come to Me and drink. The one who believes in Me, as the Scripture said, ‘From his innermost being will flow rivers of living water.’” - John 7:37-38
The gospel is what changes the human heart. It changes you when you are first saved. And the same gospel changes our hearts as we are sweeping the floor for the 100th time. The gospel reminds us of God’s great love. It reminds us of Christ’s humility. He came not to be served, but to serve, and give His life as a ransom for many (Matthew 20:18). We are called to follow in His humble footsteps, constantly putting others above ourselves, doing the dirtiest & most humble work. This is beautiful and valuable in God’s sight.
Through His Spirit, He gives us an endless supply of grace, patience, and peace. He provides everything we need for life and godliness!
“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.” - Philippians 2:3-11
“for His divine power has granted to us everything pertaining to life and godliness, through the true knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and excellence.” - 2 Peter 1:3
Scrubbing floors MATTERS to God. Making dinner and serving your family a healthy meal matters to God. You are serving the people that He loves & He made for His glory. Folding loads of laundry matters. Taking time to soothe a crying child matters to God. Reading books, playing trucks & dolls, and singing the ABC’s matters to God. Taking the time to tell your children how much you adore them & love them for who they are matters. Teaching them that they are a valued human being, they have purpose and meaning here, and they can find their identity in Christ, matters!
Your children matter to God, and He uses you to comfort, care for, and raise them. He cares about every single moment of our lives. The big and small. He can help us in every single area of life. By His abundant grace, we can do all things for His glory, in a way that is pleasing to Him.
When I was saved, God gave me a new heart (Ezekiel 36:26). My sin did not just disappear all of a sudden. But, I was convicted of things slowly over time, and His kindness led me to repentance. And His kindness still leads me to repentance, daily. (Romans 2:4)
When it comes to patience, the Bible says that no one actually has patience in the flesh. Sure, some might be more relaxed than others, but true, godly patience? That can only come from the Spirit of God.
“Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit.” - Galatians 5:19-25
Notice that it says, “fits of anger.” Those who do such things continually, without repentance, will not inherit the Kingdom of God. Those who do not repent of their sin, and trust in Christ will continue practicing sin. Outside of Christ, there is no power over sin. You are a slave to sin and can not overcome it without Christ in you (Romans 6).
In Christ, there is power over sin. By the Spirit of God, not on our own strength, we can put sin to death. Christ died to set us free FROM sin. Free from the bondage of sin which we are all born into.
“for if you are living in accord with the flesh, you are going to die; but if by the Spirit you are putting to death the deeds of the body, you will live.” - Romans 8:13
“For if we have become united with Him in the likeness of His death, certainly we shall also be in the likeness of His resurrection, knowing this, that our old self was crucified with Him, in order that our body of sin might be done away with, so that we would no longer be slaves to sin; for the one who has died is freed from sin.” - Romans 6:5-7
“and He Himself bore our sins in His body on the cross, so that we might die to sin and live to righteousness; for by His wounds you were healed.” - 1 Peter 2:24
“No temptation has overtaken you except something common to mankind; and God is faithful, so He will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it.” - 1 Corinthians 10:13
There is never an excuse for sin. I have tried to justify my sin of impatience, and yelling at my children to Paul, but he quickly rebukes me and says, “There is never an excuse for that.” God knows too. Sin is never okay. It is always wretched, horrible, and grieving to God. God’s word says that He will always provide a way of escape from sin.
“But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust. Then when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it has run its course, brings forth death.” James 1:14-15
It is our own lust that causes us to sin. We indulge in it. It feels good in the moment to lose our patience. Moments later, there is regret. But we cannot take back those words that are spoken.
Sin is crouching at the door (Genesis 4:7). And the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist the devil. Resist sin.
“Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. So resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same experiences of suffering are being accomplished by your brothers and sisters who are in the world.” - 1 Peter 5:8-9
I am still tested daily with patience. I still battle my sin of impatience & anger towards my children and rebellion towards my husband and God. My flesh is so prone to selfishness. I just do not always want to do what God calls me to do. But I must remind myself moment by moment, “deny yourself, pick up your cross, and follow me.” Christ laid His life down for me. I am called to do the same for others. I am called to humbly lay my own desires aside, and serve.
Starting my day in prayer and in God’s word helps me so much. I am reminded of the truth, which I need to hear daily. I am humbled before the Lord & in awe with Him. I delight myself in Him and praise Him, and am filled with His love. Being filled with God’s love, I am able to pour this love onto my children. In those moments of testing, which come daily, I pray. The Holy Spirit brings to mind His word, and I seek to obey Him. I try to take every thought captive to Christ, and repent of sinful thoughts before they come spilling out of my mouth. Sin starts in the mind. If you can nip it in the bud there, and ask God to change you moment by moment, He will!
“But flee from these things, you man of God, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, perseverance, and gentleness.” - 1 Timothy 6:11
By God’s grace, I can put sin to death, pursue godliness, and serve God, even in the most trying moments. It is my choice to either walk in the flesh, and sin, or walk in the Spirit and produce fruit of the Spirit. I am being sanctified daily, becoming more and more like Christ. All by Him and through Him and His strength.
“You shall follow the Lord your God and fear Him; and you shall keep His commandments, listen to His voice, serve Him, and cling to Him.” - Deuteronomy 13:4
Through His word which is alive, and prayer, we are changed.
I have not arrived, and never will arrive, until I meet Jesus face to face. God will continue working in me, bringing me to repentance, and changing me from the inside out more and more.
“For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work among you will complete it by the day of Christ Jesus.” - Philippians 1:6
“For this is the will of God, your sanctification” - 1 Thessalonians 4:3a
“Sanctify them in the truth; Your word is truth.” - John 17:17
“Remain in Me, and I in you. Just as the branch cannot bear fruit of itself but must remain in the vine, so neither can you unless you remain in Me. I am the vine, you are the branches; the one who remains in Me, and I in him bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing.” - John 15:4-5
God is SO willing & able to keep us from sin and evil. (Lord’s prayer: “lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.”) We have to be willing to put the deeds of our flesh to death though, and ask him to help us. We have to abide in Christ, continually fighting our sin, and putting others first.
As Christians, we need to be battling sin daily, and pursuing godliness. I had a sister in the Lord explain to me one time a good picture of resisting sin.
Think of a grandfather clock, and the pendulum swinging. If you let that pendulum swing and swing without any resistance, and just keep feeding it, it will go higher and higher. If you put your hand to it, it will start to swing less and less. The more you put your hand to it to stop it, the less it will swing. I like this picture. It is so true. If you let sin fester and grow in your heart, and do not repent and resist when temptation comes, that sin will grow. If you are resisting it, you will still stumble, but it will be less and less.
Real life example…
One day, Juliet spilled a smoothie that I had just put all kinds of supplements in. She was goofing off at the table and knocked it over. At that time, it was right around 4:00, which always seems to be a really hard time of day. I was not walking in the Spirit, and was grumbling about how I felt overwhelmed with everything. I indulged in the sin of anger. I yelled at her and made her lick it off the floor to learn to sit still at the table (something we tell her to do constantly). The floor was clean, and at the time, I thought this would teach her to sit still at the table. I see now that it was a harsh punishment, and a little extreme. I just want to be honest with you all though. It has been ugly around here, and I don’t want you to think that your sin is too dark to bring to surface.
My yelling is not a new sin. It is something I have done way too much. It is ugly & hurtful to everyone. It breaks my heart that I could be so harsh to people that I love so much! This is not the mother that I want to be, nor is it a good representation of God to my children. I do not want to keep living in this sin without repentance, justifying my sin, because all it will do over time is create a wedge between me and my children, that will be really hard to break down, years down the road. Without confession and repentance, distance grows in a relationship. There is mistrust, hardness of heart, and fear.
I apologized to Juliet, and praise the Lord that she is so quick to forgive. She sees that I am truly sorry, and I pray with her and ask God to help me speak kindly to my children. She sees the ugliness & hurt of sin, true repentance, and God’s power to change a sinner like me. I share the gospel, that I am a sinner, saved only by the grace of God in Jesus Christ. What can wash away my sin? Nothing but the blood of Jesus! He can wash away her sin too. She sees genuine Christianity lived out from the heart, and this is a great blessing. As much as I hate my sin, I see that God uses it for good, to show His love, kindness, patience, and the amazing gospel. She gets to see me be sanctified. She gets to see God work in me to grow me and teach me. She gets to see what repentance is, what confession is, and how to be humble about her own sin.
I want an open, loving relationship with my children. I want them to come to me with anything and everything and not be afraid of me. I do not want them to hide sin from me, in fear of my impatience. I want to be a patient mother who gently, kindly, compassionately hears my children, loves them where they are at, and guides them to Christ, where they can find the help they need. I want to teach them God’s word, and live it out, to show them that Christ changed me, and He can change you too. Yelling at them consistently will not accomplish this, I know that for sure.
I have been so grieved over my sin of anger & yelling, because I have done this too many times. After this particular time, I cried out to God for a while about it. It was not just a short prayer, but I pleaded with the Lord, weeping over my sin, genuinely sorry for my outbursts of anger. I asked God to create in me a new heart. To see my children the way He sees them. That He would give me patience because I sure do not have it within myself. He is abundant in patience towards me, and I want to reflect that patience to my children. I prayed that He would grow me, and make me a gentle, peaceful, kind, compassionate, patient, godly mother, like the Proverbs 31 woman. And I continue to pray this prayer every day.
God has changed me, by His power. After this incident, the next day, I had so much more patience and grace towards my children. This is answered prayer. Praise the Lord for His mighty power to change a sinful heart to be more like Him. This is a miracle in itself!
As mothers, we have the opportunity to walk in Jesus’ footsteps in a way that is unique. Selflessness is necessary. All day long, I need Jesus to strengthen me, and help me serve with joy in my heart. I pray momentarily, and ask him, “Help me, Lord, help me to do this for Your glory. Give me patience. Help me to serve with joy.”
“For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope—the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good.” - Titus 2:11-14
One night in particular, I remember I was pondering on how Jesus is always with me. That night was especially challenging. I was up all night between Juliet being sick and Daniel teething. I am not always this disciplined, but this night I really focused on taking every thought captive to Christ, and not allowing myself to snowball into self pity and temper tantrums. I repented quickly of selfish, impatient thoughts, and remembered, Jesus knows. He cares. He is with me right now. I pictured Him standing next to me as I bounced my baby, and my heart was filled with joy and peace, as I walked through this tough night with my beloved Savior. I pondered on the verse, “I am with you always, even unto the end of the age.” I worshiped Him and delighted in Him, instead of thinking about how tired I would be the next day and how I just want to be sleeping. I was truly filled with every ounce of patience I needed that night.
I know this is possible at all times, because God’s word says, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” - Philippians 4:13.
God has been so, so faithful to help me every day. Every day, I ask for strength and patience, and not a request goes without Him delivering. God has changed my mothering in a wonderful way. I am so thankful to HIM and to HIM be the glory! Without Him, I am absolutely wretched, sick, and depraved. With Him, and only through Him, I am able to be a godly mother. Patient, loving, kind, faithful, consistent, fun, and strong. Only because of Jesus.
It is my choice to sin, or to submit to Christ and serve Him in humility. I still do sin and I know I will never be done sinning. I will do it until the day I die, because I have this sinful flesh to battle. But I will also be sanctified. The Lord will continue to bring me to repentance. Through reading & meditating on God’s word, and praying for God’s help, He will grow me in grace. He will provide everything I need to mother in a way that is pleasing to Him. This is a promise of God, and He cannot lie.
Jesus is God in the flesh. He walked here as fully God, and fully man. He was tempted in every way, and did not sin. The temptation you feel is known to Him. He is able to help you in every single temptation.
“Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let’s hold firmly to our confession. For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things just as we are, yet without sin.” - Hebrews 4:14-15
God is so faithful. As soon as you cry out for help, He is there to help you.
As the song goes, “Yield not to temptation, for yielding is sin, each victory will help you, some other to win, fight manfully onward, dark passions subdue, look ever to Jesus, He will carry you through. Ask the Savior to help you, comfort, strengthen, and keep you. He is willing to aid you, He will carry you through.”
Motherhood can be so amazingly wonderful. All of life can be so incredible, with Jesus. Apart from Him, there is no hope. All the things the world has to offer are completely empty promises. Go directly to God’s word, and pray for the help you need.
“You will make known to me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; In Your right hand there are pleasures forever.” - Psalm 16:11
One of the joys of being a child of God, is the presence of God. There is nothing in this world, not sitting on the beach with your best friend in Hawaii, not the cutest clothes, not a perfectly decorated house, not the perfect body, NOTHING here compares to God’s presence. He never gets old, or boring. He never goes out of style. Christ, and only Christ can satisfy. And the satisfaction is truly COMPLETE. Fullness of JOY is in His presence. I know I did not have this before 2018. I was always seeking something to satisfy me. Nothing ever did. But Jesus.
Seek to be satisfied in the Lord, and you will be content in all circumstances. Eat from the bread of life. Drink from the living waters. There is an endless supply of grace and strength for you in Christ. Seek God’s glory in all things, and you will see Him!
Mothering is a huge, highly important job. You are raising up people made in God’s image. You can change the world by raising little disciples of Jesus! For those who think that “just being a mom” is not enough, this is simply wrong. I used to believe this way. But this is what the world says, not what God says.
Your work matters immensely to God. You matter to God. Ask the Savior to help you. He will!
“But now you also, rid yourselves of all of them: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene speech from your mouth.” - Colossians 3:8
“So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so must you do also. In addition to all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity. Let the peace of Christ, to which you were indeed called in one body, rule in your hearts; and be thankful. Let the word of Christ richly dwell within you, with all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another with psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs, singing with thankfulness in your hearts to God. Whatever you do in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father.” - Colossians 3:12-17
If you are reading this, and you are thinking of all the horrible things you have done as a mother, I want you to know. Sin is ugly. God sees it and knows it. You cannot hide it from Him. You can hide it from everyone else, but not God. If you do not confess your sins to Him, and ask Him to forgive you, you will be judged for these sins on the day of judgement. (1 John 1:9)
God is Holy, and treating people made in His image poorly, is very offensive to Him. It really matters to God, all the things you have done. If you continue in rebellion to the Lord, without repenting directly to Him, and crying out for mercy, you will be storing up wrath for the day of judgement (Romans 2:5).
Bring the darkness to light. Bring all the sin directly to Jesus, laying it at the feet of the cross. Trust that all of this sin was paid for in His death. Do not keep living in mom-guilt and shame. There is no shame in Christ.
I have done horrible sins that I could never talk about before coming to Christ, because I had not confessed it. I was hiding it from everyone, including God. This was a very heavy weight to carry, and no amount of “blessings” would wash away this sin. Only the blood of Jesus. The blessing does not wash your sins in the blood of Jesus (as some at FALC believe). The blessing never did anything for me. I left maybe feeling a little bit of relief, but went right back to the sin I was living in before.
Coming directly to Christ will wash away all of your sins. Not going to someone else for forgiveness from God. And trusting Him completely to be your redeemer, your Lord, and your Savior. Just because you believe that your sins are forgiven, but that does not make your sins forgiven.
Being found IN Christ is where forgiveness of sins is found. When you turn to Him and ask Him to save you, you are forgiven. It is through Christ. You have to be born again. You have to repent directly to God, and He will make you a new creation. That is when your sins are forgiven, and not a moment before that, no matter how much you go to church, or how many blessings you get.
"Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he isa new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come." - 2 Corinthians 5:17
See this post to see a lot of verses on salvation: https://amandakoppana.wixsite.com/website/post/the-blessing
See this post for many verses on what the Bible says about being a Christian: https://amandakoppana.wixsite.com/website/post/am-i-a-christian
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